The Mirror of Fear

The Mirror of Fear is a principle concerning relational fears. Fears such as:

• People don’t like me
• People can’t be trusted
• Everyone is just out for themselves
• I will get abandoned
• If I reveal too much, it will be used against me
• Other people judge me
• etc.

These are just some examples of common fears about relating to others, whether it is in close, casual or professional relationships.

The Mirror of Fear states that relational fears we hold are mirrored in one of two ways:

1. Self Fulfilling: the fear itself causes the outcome we’re afraid of.
2. Do Onto Others: we inflict on others what we fear they’ll inflict on us.

In this exercise, you are invited to examine this dynamic in your own life.

Exercise

• Write sentence completions for: “I’m afraid that other people…”
• Look at the list of your sentence completions and pick one that feels emotionally resonant.
• Answer the question: “does this thing I’m afraid of actually happen to me often?”
• If the answer is YES, write about how you may be causing this outcome in your life.
• If the answer is NO, write about how you may be inflicting this on other people.

With this exercise, we are touching on some deeply rooted parts of the psyche. Don’t worry if answers don’t come immediately. You may want to sit with this and revisit it several times.

The goal of this exercise isn’t necessarily to gain total clarity over how the Mirror of Fear plays out in your life (although that can happen). Rather, it is to plant a seed of awareness. Even if you don’t find all the answers, you will start noticing things differently after this exercise.