Reframing Conflict (Easy Model)

Conflict is an opportunity for growth. But because emotions usually cloud our judgement, we tend to miss out on this growth opportunity.

That’s why in this exercise, we’ll start with an easy example. We’ll use a mild conflict with a stranger to practice. This will make it easier to graduate to more charged conflicts with people closer to us.

The example in the video is “the barista at the coffee shop was a bit rude to me”. Any kind of situation like that will work for this exercise. Something where you get a bit upset or irritated, but nothing that touches a deep, personal wound.

The reason we start with such an example is because it’s easier to not get swept up in the emotions of a mild conflict. This allows us to separate:

1. What happened
2. The stories we told ourselves about it

This separation is an absolute power move when it comes to reframing and resolving conflict.

What Else Could Be True?

This is the key question for this exercise. Separating what really happened from the stories in our mind is the first step to this.

Once you realize that the story you told yourself about the situation is only one of many possible explanations, it holds much less power over you.

Simply asking “what else could be true?” can powerfully discharge the emotions generated by a conflictive situation.

Exercise

• Think of a mild conflict you recently had with a stranger.
• Describe what happened, as seen by a neutral third party watching video playback of the situation.
• Describe the story you told yourself about the situation.
• Ask: “what else could be true?” and write down several possible alternative explanations.
• Observe how this changes your feelings about the situation without you ever trying to forcefully change how you felt.