This is the framework I use when I help a client work out what’s going on in their life, where the big leverage points are and how to actually change things. The starting assumption is that your life runs in loops. The loops that cause suffering are the ones to work on, and the way out follows the same pattern every time, whether it takes ten minutes or eighteen months.
In this video
- Your life runs in loops. Trying to avoid something, like rejection, usually brings more of it into your life.
- Some loops serve you and need no attention. The ones that need work are the ones that cause suffering, and suffering is the signal.
- Ignored signals get stronger: slight stiffness becomes pain, a little tension in a relationship becomes a big fight. Learn to respond early.
- Numbing, distraction and overstimulation lead away from the exit. The first real step is awareness of what you actually feel, and where.
- Fear and resistance come up because every behavior, even a self-destructive one, protects you from something. Breaking up first to avoid rejection is one example.
- Integrity, being totally honest with yourself and others, is what gets you through the door.
- What follows is a hero’s journey: leaving the familiar, letting go of the old, and coming back changed. Growth also comes in spirals.