A lot of what people teach under the label of “processing emotions” is really just avoiding emotions, with extra steps. I used to suffer from depression a lot, so dealing with heavy emotions has been an important topic in my life. I’ve learned that not processing them comes at a steep cost. You get emotionally clogged up, and it weighs on everything.
In this episode I go through what doesn’t work, and the one thing I’ve found that actually does.
In this episode
- Emotions are boxes on a sushi conveyor belt. Ignore one and it comes back around, until you’re clogged up, dreading quiet evenings and numbing out.
- How judging emotions as good or bad, from “boys don’t cry” to sinful feelings, makes us afraid of our own emotions.
- The book Bad Therapy, and how making emotions and trauma part of your identity is another way of not processing them.
- Why a lot of talk therapy, breathwork and somatic shaking or screaming can change your state without processing the emotion, even though they work as coping strategies.
- What does work: taking the box off the belt and opening it by not resisting, like the day 30 seconds of crying cleared a grey, depressed mood.
- Practicing on grief, using fear as a compass, and why some of the biggest boxes need support and can’t just be opened.
- Sometimes processing means acting in the real world too, like standing up for yourself, and writing helps me see what’s needed.
- A cleared belt leaves room for joy, like the spontaneous gratitude that had me in tears. Also, whether you actually let yourself feel good.